Downpour
by CrushedSummer
Summary: In the rain, the third years attempt to come to terms with graduation, and the end of μ's.
1. Dance

**FOREWORD: Each third year will be the subject of a chapter in this short fic.**

* * *

As she lay awake that night, Eli counted it, as she had each night since μ's had decided not to continue, and as she did all the days to come until graduation.

Tired eyes watched a lonely few raindrops collide with her window, but her surging thoughts refused them any rest. There was a way to resolve this. She sighed. It seemed that she would once again find herself indulging in the ritual she had developed since their decision.

Only the faintest creaks and groans of the floorboards incriminated her as she dressed once again. The soon-to-be-former school idol was light on her feet; she had to be. She had to glide through the halls, past her family and down the stairs without rousing them, without drowning out the faintest pitter-patter of the first droplets hitting the roof.

" _You need to stop doing this,_ " she told herself. She wasn't very convincing.

All it took to dispel the last vestiges of that order was the intoxicating rush of fresh air from her opening of the front door. It hit her, crisp and pleasantly cool in the warm night as she stepped out. The door softly clicked shut behind her and she breathed deeply, looking skyward. By the delicate moonlight she could see the edge of the mass of clouds; the outliers hovered just above her home.

Eli turned and walked out into the street, deeper into the city, deeper into the storm.

Her mind had been crowded with painful thoughts as of late: leaving Otonokizaka, getting into a good university, uncertainty regarding the future, and worst of all, the disbandment of μ's and separation from her friends. In the face of such cruel circumstance, it gave her a strange comfort to take command and force herself out into the night like this, just to prove that she could.

Or was this, in and of itself, a loss of control? Perhaps she would find out once she had done it for the final time.

But it mattered not; what mattered was the way those thoughts were driven away ever so slightly for each raindrop impacting her skin.

Yes, this was what she had come for!

The wind began to pick up and carried with it a vigor that took her from a walk to a jog, from a jog to a run. Her home rapidly faded in the distance as she raced her smeared reflections in the storefront windows.

Even in the popular market areas, no one would be out at this hour and in this weather. That was exactly the way she liked it.

The feeling of freedom led her on as she splashed through puddles and twirled across the wet pavement. She was steadily growing soaked as the rain picked up slightly, but she welcomed it. The intoxicating sensation of the wind filling her sails was the only thing left on her mind, no cold yesterdays, no mercurial tomorrows.

A natural sort of rhythm came upon her; she weaved through the middle of the road as she ran, drawing inexorably closer to the familiar destination without a thought given to it. Somehow, no matter how many times she did this, all roads seemed to lead there.

Otonokizaka was perched imperiously on its hill overlooking the area. Eli didn't offer it any more than a passing glance, lest it ruin her meditative state.

She slowed, chest heaving as her target appeared on the horizon. It would pay to conserve her strength for what she was about to do.

Clouds were amalgamating overhead as each step regained a small measure of lightness; strangely, the rain began to calm at the same time. The wind, too, had calmed such that her foot landing in a puddle felt as though it echoed through the streets. A small part of her urged her to be quiet, as though this moment would allow her to slip back home without consequence.

Eli smiled to herself as she reached the edge of the park; it was far too late for anything of the sort now.

This place offered a slightly larger measure of privacy, but more importantly, it felt closer to nature.

As she reached the center of the field, she looked up.

She was ready.

Lightning split the sky open to release an overwhelming downpour - a cloudburst - as the wind howled back to life, driving it into her and soaking her utterly in seconds. Around her, nature's austerity melted away as the park came alive; the trees swayed, the grass rippled in time with eddying winds, the water flowed freely from the hills and over the heather, and fresh leaves were pulled down and into rapturous dance.

Unable to contain herself any longer, Eli, too, began to dance.

Heart pounding, she twirled and leapt through the grass. She ran, jumped, cartwheeled, relishing the burning in her lungs and the feeling of sweat mingling with the rain. In stark contrast to the measured steps seen at her performances, she was wild and trembling with energy, and that was how her instinct demanded she be. Oh, to fly with all the freedom of the storm!

In these moments, a deep longing often began to well in her chest, still heaving, as she pirouetted with the leaves and chased the gales. Even with her eyes closed in concentration and exertion, she could still vividly see it all: the drops twinkling like sparks, the field rippling, the trees waving. She couldn't escape noticing how she grew tired and sluggish as the storm continued to rage around her. She couldn't escape noticing that she was being left behind.

And then she was standing in the pounding rain, empty in stark contrast to furious energy surrounding her.

Eli left herself fall back into the wet grass, staring at the flickering lightning as the thoughts she had been running from finally caught up. She couldn't keep dancing forever; she couldn't seem to keep her life from leaving her behind. μ's was ending, and all-too-soon, she would be forced to leave.

It had been wonderful. Working together with them had lent her life a spark, given her countless moments worth preserving.

And was what made leaving so unbearable.

Eli wanted at once to scream, to laugh, and to cry into the storm hanging above. She begged it to save her the suffering of watching this beauty tarnish.

Soon the storm would be over, and she would drag herself back home and into bed, pretending to herself that nothing had happened.

* * *

 **A/N: I have the whole story drafted, so updates should be coming quick. Remember to review and comment if you have something to say!**

 **I've long been a fan of late night walks, and one of mine which coincided with poor weather was part of the inspiration for this chapter, and in turn, the rest of the fic.**


	2. Pulse

Nico stared into the darkened storefront window, not recognizing the girl she saw reflected in it. Fortunately, she could take as long as she wanted; few were on the streets at this late hour, and fewer still would be while the storm clouds loomed.

She struck her signature pose and watched the girl in the glass do the same.

Ah, that explained it. That girl, with her forced smile and tired eyes couldn't be an idol like Nico. After all, she still had a bit of time before μ's' final shows were finished; she was still an idol, she told herself, and she would hold on until the bitter end.

As that end drew closer, she had found herself growing increasingly restless. Tonight, staying up to make sure her siblings were asleep became staying up for one more video, which turned into a quick practice session; when even that failed to dispel her nervous energy, she couldn't help but seize her umbrella and step out in hopes of clearing her mind.

Seeing the town emptied entirely was a surreal sight; it was rare already for Nico to be alone in her own home. Still, it wasn't unwelcome; she wanted some solitude and this would work well. Being on her feet would tire her eventually, and it was near silent, but not lacking the gentle ambiance of the first raindrops hitting her umbrella.

Perhaps, she thought, the rain would would pick up and distort the reflections just enough that she could ignore them. It was tiresome enough seeing herself on the posters, on the websites that eagerly discussed what was next for μ's, not knowing the bitter truth.

She began to pick up speed, rushing to nowhere as the wind picked up.

Worrying was silly, she told herself. She still had hundreds of hours. That was enough time to strengthen friendships, enough time to make new ones, enough to create something beautiful, enough to make new memories.

But barely enough for a handful of performances.

All Nico could see were the seconds ticking away, like raindrops falling.

This had to be impossible! Her days of waiting in the club room alone already seemed like a lifetime ago, yet her time with μ's had slipped through her fingers. Each step she took down the road was both the longest and shortest in her life, and time laughed on.

Sometimes reality was stranger than fiction.

No matter how she seemed to twist and turn, a few raindrops would always find their way past the umbrella and hit her. She turned back, looking to escape, but found only unfamiliar paths. Nico had always considered the streets of Akihabara to be a second home to her, but tonight was not the night to return to them.

She broke into a run, searching for any sort of landmark.

The wind and rain were slowly escalating to match her urgency as she ran though the city of mirrors. Another flash of herself greeted her beneath each streetlight and with each flicker of lightning, deliberate as she was about trying to ignore them. Ahead, the concrete wound with a serpentine bent, rainwater hemorrhaging from the cracks and protrusions. The slick, unfamiliar street connected to yet another, and sent her stumbling to a halt as she grasped for balance.

An unfamiliar girl once again looked back at her from the windowpane. The girl clutched feebly at her umbrella, staring with a dull expression, one of longing, one of a person without home. Something cracked inside of her to admit it, but this girl, with her tired eyes, who couldn't even force a smile anymore, was an idol. This girl was her.

"What am I supposed to do?"

For years, her current position had been her dream. " _You'll put smiles on all their faces,_ " she had told herself. Not once had she entertained the possibility that it would come true, only then to turn to dust before her eyes. She hadn't prepared.

She had a résumé, but would anyone want her solo?

Would she be able to find a contact in the industry?

Would she even want to continue if it meant leaving the rest of μ's?

Nico sighed and turned away, continuing slowly. At least she was starting to make some progress; Otonokizaka could be seen staring proudly down in the distance. If she kept moving towards it she would surely have to cross a familiar area and be able to regain to bearings.

She slipped through back-alleys and unfamiliar paths, apathetic, unable to take her eyes off the school.

There!

A familiar park stood in the distance. In the shadow of Otonokizaka, Nico drew closer. It seemed she had become hopelessly turned around at some point in the night; she now had to go through it just to return to her apartment. Still, she would have gone through anyway, if only to experience that aching nostalgia. It was a stone's throw from the school, and μ's had gone through it countless times.

Was that all really mere months ago?

Even before they entered her life, she had regularly gone there herself; she had nowhere else worth going before.

And once she was out on her own in the world, what would become of it?

Would she walk past and see the wrong smiles, hear unfamiliar laughter?

Would she watch the students spilling out from above and search in vain for eight friendly faces?

Would she look up from it and see the darkened window of what was once their room?

Nico stopped in front of another storefront.

Or would she be too weak to even return?

A familiar girl now looked back at her with a look of undisguised anguish. Slowly, she allowed the umbrella to slip from her fingers as she turned and closed the distance to the park.

Lightning split the sky open to release an overwhelming downpour - a cloudburst - as the wind howled back to life, driving it into her and soaking her utterly in seconds. Nico thought that was for the best, however.

The job of an idol was to make their spectators smile; it simply wouldn't do to see one cry.

* * *

 **A/N: I think you can see where all of this is going. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it.**


	3. Spin

Nozomi stared at the rain pouring over the shrine's steps. The unseasonable last gasp of winter had finally expired.

One month ago, an incongruous bout of snow had broken the developing spring and briefly unwound time across the city. Classes had been cancelled while snow sports, thick coats and winter festivities came back into vogue, however briefly. It was almost as though everyone was desperately pretending that this was the lovely snow of Christmas, Nozomi had thought.

It hadn't been beautiful.

She had wandered the streets, wondering how the miserable scene before her could paint such smiles on the faces around her. There had been no virginal white blanket, twinkling in the light, no intriguing fingers of frost on the windows, no glimmering icicles and no coming holidays. Instead, they had also received bouts of freezing rain, birthed from clouds which choked out the sun, and left only slush and black ice.

It had actually snowed on one particular day, not that it improved things.

Had the strangers around her throwing snowballs, laughing and grinning, been faking it? So be it then. She had assumed a mask of her own when she walked among them, watching the snowflakes come to die on her skin.

Nozomi shook her head and opened up her umbrella. The good part of the cold snap ending was that people had no pretenses regarding the rain; they hid from it and left the streets empty for her to wander. It was relaxing, she found, to walk on nights like these, accompanied only by her own echoing footsteps and the gently beating of the rain against her umbrella.

To lose herself in the night was a form of mediation for her. She would search for harmony with the natural world and the spiritual one, sharing breath with the wind and pulse with the earth.

But the stars could offer no guidance tonight.

She couldn't let go; the ponderous sight of the darkened city now only reminded her of them. Would she soon be alone once more?

" _You've started over countless times,_ " she told herself, " _what's one more?_ "

To her: everything. The Nozomi of yesteryear, who lived quickly and shallowly, was gone. That Nozomi had understood the pain, however. She had known what it would be like to futilely grasp at the expanding space between the members of their group.

That space had brought her to the shrine earlier that night. As with her personal reflection, it had failed to help. Still, it was better than lying awake in bed, she thought.

In any event, she couldn't stay here forever. She joined the rain cascading down the steps back into the street.

The delayed oncoming of spring was now back in full force and left the night warm.

A restless energy gripped her and urged her on, as though she could drive the intrusive thoughts away with the beating of her feet on the asphalt. The idol merchandise stores she passed told her otherwise. There μ's was, plastered across the windows, happy, beautiful and together.

" _Rising Star School Idols_ "

 _"Close-knit Comrades_ "

" _Inseparable Team_ "

Wasn't that ironic? Nozomi looked away from the reminders of the group's fragile status to see herself, walking alone, in the reflection of another storefront. She looked up to find a streetlight's halation around the edges of her umbrella. She looked forward to see Otonokizaka looming over the area, quiet and empty.

Was nowhere free of painful reminders?

It was impossible, she supposed, to leave quietly now that that had touched each other's lives so deeply. She had been hoping against hope that this time would be different. The reason she began living alone was, after all, so that she wouldn't have to leave anymore.

But surely saving Otonokizaka had been worth it.

The empty building loomed.

There had been talk, back when the school was at risk of closing, that it was going to be replaced with a hospice. Was that so wrong? It wasn't as though the other schools didn't have enough space for everyone, and the aging population _did_ demand certain amenities.

Nozomi couldn't even convince herself that helping μ's had been entirely selfless.

She and Eli, comrades in their inability to open up, had watched μ's from afar. There were perhaps better ways to go about helping the school, but none of them would have brought companionship the same way.

Slowly, the rain began to pick up as she turned onto a familiar street. Her feet were starting to drag, and there was time to be saved by cutting through the park at the end.

Nozomi wondered what it would be like in university, her and Eli and-

Would Nico even be joining them? They had all been so keen to avoid the subject that she hadn't even asked. Come to think of it, it wasn't likely that all of their nine were even aiming for university, let alone the same one.

Then it would be back down to her and Eli. From there it would only be another handful of years until it was time to move on again and they would be thrust out into the world and away from the people they had known. Nozomi didn't know if she was prepared for it to happen again, truthfully.

Lightning split the sky open to release an overwhelming downpour - a cloudburst - as the wind howled back to life, driving it into her and pounding against the umbrella.

Surely she and Eli would be enough for each other. They would be able to keep the ravenous cold off away, wouldn't they?

Something caught her foot and she jerked to a halt. Someone had discarded their umbrella in the street.

" _On a night like this?_ "

She held both umbrellas high and watched the twin halations as the park drew closer.

Perhaps whoever was out here wanted to feel the freedom. Perhaps, she thought, she had a comrade in this somber night.

Nozomi laughed bitterly to herself as the entered the park.

They probably just had their umbrella snatched by the wind; she didn't want to risk connecting with them.

* * *

 **A/N: I expect to wrap this all up next chapter.**

 **At first this chapter was going to follow quite closely along the lines of the other two, but then I was reminded of the bizarre bouts of snow that I witnessed in mid-April earlier this year. It just interests me to see how reality informs the imagination.**


	4. Memory of Laughter

The pounding rain continued unabated over her prone form.

" _You've done it,_ " she told herself, " _now for God's sake, get home before anyone notices."_

She slowly-

"...Eli?"

Was she hearing things?

"Eli, what the hell are you doing out here?"

A moment passed as Eli attempted in vain to collect herself.

"I should be asking you the same," she finally replied.

Nico was standing over her, equally soaked, and without a trace of her usual pomp. She chose to answer rather than endure another impasse, "I just needed to, you know," she sniffled, "get away from it all and think about some stuff."

"You too?" a third voice quietly added. The pair looked back to find Nozomi standing behind them, two umbrellas in hand.

Thunder echoed across the field as the three waited, at a loss for words. Nico habitually rubbed at her eyes while Eli hadn't even the presence of mind to stop herself from slipping back down to the drenched Earth. Nozomi silently closed the distance to them and offered Nico an umbrella.

"You should take better care of yourself Nico," she said, shooting the girl a knowing look as she sniffled once more, "you seem to be _getting a cold._ "

Pride spared, the smaller girl murmured a thanks before replying, "Shouldn't you be telling that to the girl lying in the mud?"

"What _are_ you doing Eli?"

The former student council president looked up at her.

"I just...came to get away from it all and clear my mind."

A silent understanding was reached between the three.

"Something about being out in the rain is just extremely _right_ for that, isn't it?" Nozomi mused.

Eli finally rose to her feet and the three stared at each other for an endless moment before both former student council members turned towards their homes.

"I'll see you two tomorrow, then," Eli said, more for herself than the others.

They began to leave.

"Wait!" Nico's sudden cry shattered the austere weight of words unsaid. "You expect me to just walk away like this never happened? You think I'm gonna pretend that none of us are out here, in this godforsaken weather, because we have something important on our minds?"

The outburst gave the other two pause, and they turned to watch Nico as she spat, "I'm wandering around out here because I can't sleep while I'm worried sick about where the hell my life will go once we graduate. There, I said it."

"You as well?" Nozomi asked, quiet and delicate, as though speaking something forbidden.

Eli, too, rejoined the group, "I've been trying hard not to think about it."

"And it hasn't been working for you either, has it?" Nico inquired, eyes downcast.

Her classmates both looked away, wordlessly answering.

Nozomi responded in turn after another flicker of lightning, "It's terrible, isn't it? Like watching the night fall, knowing you're about to tumble into the unknown."

"I don't know if I'm ready to leave," Eli murmured, "not just for where we're going, but because of what we're leaving behind. It's only been three years, but the school feels like a home to me now. To think - and I don't blame Honoka, Umi and Kotori for this - but to think we're just going to be replaced, that it'll be as though we were never even there..."

"...Makes you feel like we were meant for something more," Nozomi continued, before adding, "and it's not just about the student council, is it?"

"Makes you feel like μ's should be meant for something more," Nico finished.

And there it was. The one feeling they had all been dancing around was out in the open, and the conversation lapsed once more.

Eli broke the silence, "Indeed. I've been wondering if we'll go like we did from the council."

μ's as a group, and their friendships within the group were intertwined so tightly as to be nearly indistinguishable and inseparable.

"I don't even wanna imagine a world where we just fade away, where our name can't make anyone smile anymore. It's almost worse than never being something to begin with," Nico muttered, futilely combing through her soaked hair with her fingers.

"And I can hardly bear to imagine one where all the others can say about us is, 'Who? Oh! Oh yes, them.'"

Nozomi's shoulders began to shake the barest amount as waves of painful nostalgia crashed over her. In solidarity, the other two took up places at her sides. Together, the trio moved to the crest of the slick hill for the marginal protection afforded by the oak atop it. It seemed that the worst of the storm had passed; the lightning had withdrawn and the force of the rainfall was gradually descending.

"Nico, what happens when an idol retires?" Eli asked, staring out.

The question hung in the air a moment as they watched the rain.

"Hm? Well, there's normally a huge send off event meant to recall all their best moments, which all their fans and teammates show up to. After that they either go through with a marriage, since a relationship is a common reason for an idol to retire, or they keep working, but no longer under their idol persona." She paused, eyebrows knit, before adding, "Sometimes it's actually for the best; if the retirement is on good terms, they can continue their work as a musician, but without the pressure, and with all their connections intact."

"For the best...?" Eli whispered.

"So really," Nozomi said, "it can be more of a symbolic ending than a true one."

"Almost more like a new beginning than an end," Nico agreed.

Her spiritually-inclined classmate breathed deeply of the petrichor and looked out over the dwindling storm.

When it was put that way, she thought, it didn't hurt as much.

"Really, what's going to change once we're gone?"

The other two simply stared in confusion.

She pulled out her cellphone, "We'll be going separate ways from the others, and maybe even from each other, but do we really have to let go? Does the need to work harder to keep out relationships mean we should give them up? Hell no!" Nozomi was shouting uncharacteristically, perhaps channelling a small part of that very same zeal with which Honoka propelled the group. "The end of us doesn't have to be the end of _**us**_ , nor should it be."

Now Nico, too, was gripped by the infectious energy, "You're right, _damn_ right! Leaving the stage only means we're eligible to enter the hall of fame."

With tears in her eyes, Eli silently pulled the pair closer to her. They stayed like that for longer than any of them could tell and watched as the storm finally burnt itself out. Only sparse, gentle, droplets still fell by the time she had composed herself to utter, "Just promise me we'll always stay close."

After a round of tearful agreements and hugs, the trio parted ways.

* * *

" _You have school today,_ " she told herself, " _you're just causing yourself grief._ "

Well, perhaps it really was going to be more trouble than it was worth; the clouds had just barely begun to part, after all.

She slowly-

"...Eli?"

Was she hearing things?

"Eli, what the hell are you doing out here?"

A moment passed as Eli attempted in vain to collect herself.

"I should be asking you the same," she finally replied.

Nico was standing over her, staring, bleary-eyed, owing to both the recent late night and current early hour. She chose to answer rather than endure another impasse, "Last night helped," she yawned, "but it definitely did **not** help me sleep."

"Which is why I thought I might as well come back to watch the sunrise," a third voice quietly added. The pair looked back to find Nozomi standing behind them, holding a miraculously still-steaming mug of tea. "I expected to be alone, though. It's nice to see that we're all so, _adamant_ , shall we say, on that promise," she giggled.

"Well, I guess there are worse things than being stuck with you dorks," Nico replied, warm smile letting slip the joy behind those words.

Finally, Eli added, "...I wouldn't have it any other-"

"Oh. Look."

"What-? Oh."

The trio gathered close, hands linked. The sun was beginning to rise, splintering the remaining clouds, light spilling down like liquid gold.

Finally at peace, they faced the brave new day.

* * *

 **A/N: And there it is. Thank you all for reading this; I hope you enjoyed it. If you have something to say, please review, or even message me, if need be.**

 **It still amazes me to think that the idea I had regarding Eli a few months ago turned into this. I'm glad, however, that the ideas for this ending did come to me; it's nice to write something happier for for once.**


End file.
